How slow can you go?  Are your tired of the fast-paced, freeway-intensive life?  Do you feel like a rat caught in a trap?  Are you a victim of road rage?  Or, is the Achy-Breaky trail run too fast for you?  If any of the aforementioned questions pique your interest, then perhaps the Turtle Race is for you.

 

Left:  Sign-up for the Turtle Race.  Note that the impressive High Desert Roundup base camp looms in the background, about 1/2 mile to the south.  Right:  Receiving final instructions on how to run the Turtle Race.

Imagine this:  You drive your vehicle about a quarter of a mile over a four wheel drive required course, you never put your foot on the brake, you converse with bystanders while you're running the "race" and you take around 40 minutes to accomplish it.  Tag, you're it!  You're the winner!  Welcome to the Turtle Race, at High Desert Round-Up, 2005.

Turtle Race doesn't take tennis balls, guts or stamina; it takes low gears, and plenty of them.  Did I say low?  Or did I say low, as in, way, way, low. The lower your gears, the better you are, as the object of this "race" is to complete the course in the slowest time possible.  If put your foot on the brake and your tires stop moving, you're out of the competition.  Those of you Toyota guys with crawlers or the Jeepers with multiple transfer cases, you have it made, as you can crawl on this course at sub-walking speed, an if this was a race for speed, your granny in her walker could beat you to the finish line.

 

Left:  Ok, this is the way to run the "race?"  Right:  Turtle Race in progress, with Wet Lap in the background.

The object of the Turtle Race is to go slow, as slow as you can go without braking.  The course features a couple of choices, as you can take the direct approach, or you can choose the rocky offshoot.  If rocks are your "thing" and you have the low-low gears, the rocky sideshoot might be the best choice as it burns up precious seconds on the clock which, in this race, is a good thing, and it always rewards you with a shot of bravado and cheers from the crowd on onlookers.  However if your gears aren't as low as you'd like, the more-or-less conservative approach might be for you.

 

Left:  A delicate moment for a participant, as he checks out what he's doing on the Turtle Race.  Right:  TKD Jeeps is guided over the rockpile near the end of the Turtle Race at Hi Desert Round-Up, 2005.

Whatever approach the contestants take, the bystanders have ample opportunity to mingle, chat, criticize or jeer with the contestants, as they're traveling the "race track" at a turtle's pace, forgive me, a snail's pace.  Your granny with her walker could beat these folks, as they're traveling that slow.

Like I said before, the winner ran the "race" in around 40 minutes.  How slow can you go?

If you're the laid-back sort and you hate life-in-the-fast-lane and you're attending Hi Desert Round-Up, then the Turtle Race is your cup of tea, err.. cup of mock turtle soup.